Ray Hudson isn’t your average commentator- He’s quite the opposite. Regularly informing viewers of ‘beIn SPORTS’, a small cable television station in America, of the ‘superlatives’ of Lionel Messi to the “magisterial’ talents of Cristiano Ronaldo, Ray also loves a good metaphor, and his romanticised descriptions of each soccer goal present you with a commentator who really is one of a kind.
Admittedly, Ray’s overzealousness isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but he’s acquired a cult following for wearing his heart on his sleeve. Such nonchalance even caught the attention of the Hollywood Super agency Creative Artists Agency, as was reported by the New York Times’ journalist Richard Sandomir in his brilliant profile piece.
Stressing that he enjoys a more ‘simple life’, the ex-player quickly spurned their approach and continued plying his trade in a modest studio in Florida, fitted only with a small TV and a microphone. A seat among the press boxes of Old Trafford and the Nou Camp, it certainly is not.
Still, the Englishman, who has lived and worked in America since his late 20s, loves what he does, regardless of the commentary box’s location, and in recognition of his unorthodox approach to his trade, we’ve included four golden lines spawned from brilliant matches Ray has commentated on that will leave you in stitches.
1. “This (ball) has got more curves to it than Jessica Rabbit on steroids”
Commentators have run out of things to say about Cristiano Ronaldo, and his ascent into the upper echelons of the game was all but cemented when he joined Real Madrid, with this quintessential free-kick against fierce rivals Athletico proving they were more than in their right to part with what was then a record-breaking £80m for his services.
Of course, Ray being Ray, he can’t help but come up with dozens of original metaphors to describe the sheer audacity of the free-kick, and after explaining that the goal was a “wet dream of orgasmic proportions”, he comes up with an even better metaphor regarding the ball’s curve, exclaiming, “This (ball) has got more curves to it than Jessica Rabbit on steroids.”
Never change, Ray!
2. “As electrifying as a hairdryer thrown into a hot tub”
Describing an extraordinary goal by the ex-Barcelona and Brazillian forward, Ronaldinho, Ray Hudson predictably loses his s#it when the talented player pulls off a mouth-watering bicycle kick against the opposition’s goalkeeper.
Lighting up the eyes of every fan inside the 100,000 capacity Camp Nou, Hudson’s eyes were no doubt dancing with delight as he compares the awe-inspiring goal to being “as electrifying as a hairdryer thrown into a hot tub.”
3. “What an eye for a goal David Villa has! He would make a cyclops jealous!”
David Villa was one of European soccer’s greatest strikers, and his goals like the one in the video below were commonplace, but that still didn’t stop Hudson squealing with delight and coming up with more ingenious superlatives for the Spanish striker’s wonder goal.
Cutting in with his right foot and guiding the ball into the top right corner, the commentator lauds the striker’s vision, believing Villa’s eyes “would make a cyclops jealous.”
4. “As cool as a bomb disposal expert on the run”
La Liga’s El Classico pits the two best teams in Spain against each other in a match most with an ounce of soccer knowledge will tell you is the biggest soccer match on the planet because of the world class players on show, though in the last few years it’s been dominated by the ‘magisterial’ talents of Barcelona’s talisman Lionel Messi and Real Madrid’s star forward Cristiano Ronaldo.
Salivating over their every move, Ray will probably have a heart attack if his child-like excitement continues but you’ve got to love the guy because he lives and breathes soccer, as he proved again when describing Messi’s composed finish in Barcelona’s 3-2 victory over their arch-rivals. “As cool as a bomb disposal expert on the run” Hudson proudly says, as though Messi is his God and he is his number one follower.
If you want to watch a laugh-out-laugh compilation video of the vocal acrobat, click here to listen to Ray in all his glory.